


The one where Even tells it all

by Schedazzle



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: But i tried to make it as hopeful ad possible, M/M, Or not THAT angsty, The promt asked for Even to finally tell Isak about it all, but it got longer than expected, its not angsty, this was a promt on tumble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 12:18:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10853850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schedazzle/pseuds/Schedazzle
Summary: “Babe?” there was a little cloud from Isak’s breath in the cold air. Even couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t keep this in any longer, but he also couldn’t say it to that concerned look in Isak’s eyes either. Desperately gasping for a bit for air Even dived his head forward. Hiding his face in his favourite place. Pressing his cold nose against the warmth of Isak’s neck and finally getting some oxygen into his lunges. Breathing Isak in.





	The one where Even tells it all

**Author's Note:**

> this was a promt on tumblr  
> if you wanna yell at me: isisisak.tumblr.com

Even thought a lot about where and how. The where is important ok?

He wanted to tell Isak when they laid in Isak’s bed back at kollektivet. But then he thought, no, this is his safe place. Their safe place. And he didn’t want to ruin it for either of them. Then maybe in the kitchen? No, this was where they first danced together and anyway Linn, Noora or Eskild could pop in there any second. Aaargh. At school? Oh god no. At KB? Well, no, he really shouldn’t do this in public, should he?

  
He almost did that one time they sat across from each other and ate the pasta Isak had made (“Wow! Baby, you cooked for me?” Even had said, coming up behind Isak and wrapping his arms around his stomach “I boiled water and heated souce.” Isak had turned his head and pressed a kiss to Even’s cheek “But, yeah, all for you. Well, and me.”).

  
But it was so cozy and calm and he didn’t want to ruin the mood. And it would. He knows that. He knows Isak will be hurt by this. And maybe he would feel ashamed of what Even did. It was in the past but what Even did was horrible.

  
Even furrowed his brows and looked down dragging his shoes through the dirt. The where was important, which is why it’s now almost six months and he still hasn’t told Isak.

  
Even was sitting on the bench overlooking the skate area, where the boys were all messing around. It was still pretty cold, so apart from them there was no one else here. (Even doesn’t skate, his long limbs were not meant to be held up on a small piece of wood, thank you very much)  


He got pulled out of his thoughts by Isak flopping down beside him, slightly brushing his arm and leg against Even’s when he sits down. Even looked over at Isak and was just, _struck._ Struck at how beautiful he looked at that exact moment. The light was in this evening golden state right now, illuminating his curls that almost timidly grow back. By how Isak was a little breathless and still lowly laughing about whatever the boys just talked about, shouting something in answer to Mahdi - who is held up by Magnus on the board - all the way across the skatepark. By how Isak’s nose was a little red and his cheeks flushed from the slight cold and the exercise.  
  
  
And under all those layers Isak had put on to brace himself against the cold, he could see a glimpse of the side of Isak’s neck. Warm and safe and Even’s favourite place.

  
Now Isak finally looked over at Even, still laughing but when his eyes landed on Even he froze. Those sparkling green eyes immediately concerned. Even felt his heart pound in his chest and ears. His lunges wouldn’t work.

 

“Babe?” there was a little cloud from Isak’s breath in the cold air. Even couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t keep this in any longer, but he also couldn’t say it to that concerned look in Isak’s eyes either. Desperately gasping for a bit for air Even dived his head forward. Hiding his face in his favourite place. Pressing his cold nose against the warmth of Isak’s neck and finally getting some oxygen into his lunges. Breathing Isak in.  


“Even?” asked Isak, voice sounding surprised and worried as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. “Evi, Babe, what is it?”

  
And Even just somehow, finally found the strength to form the words.

  
“Things back at Bakka got really bad and I tried to kiss one of my friends, Mikael the one from the video and he was religious and rejected me and I tried to read the Kuran to change who I was and that I liked boys and I posted a lot on Facebook and it was really homophobic and I hate myself for every word and it was ugly and just horrible and I didn’t mean any of it I really didn’t Isak I didn’t mean it and I am so ashamed of what I did and I was so lost and confused and I hated who I was and that I was bipolar and that I had just ruined the best friendship I ever had and I tried to end it all and kill myself.”

  
Wow. Ok. Once he started it really was hard to stop again. He had rambled all that into Isak’s neck without stopping and his eyes pressed tightly shut.

  
Now he was breathing heavily. Feeling lighter because he finally had this off his chest but at the same time dreading what he just did. Because Isak knew now. _Oh god, Isak knows now!_ Even’s breathing started to grow shallow and he started to panic. Maybe he should reassure Isak, who got suspiciously quiet and hasn’t moved a muscle since Even started to ramble. But Even can’t seem to bring himself to move. He is safe right where he is and he does not have it in him to see the hurt on Isak’s face. The hurt he put there.

  
“Evi.” The word was all Isak said for a while. One hand wandered from Evens back into his hair, pulling him closer. Securing him and keeping him in his safe place. Isak turns his head to the side to kiss Even where his lips could reach him without moving him, which was his temple short above his cheekbone. “Thank you for telling me, Evi.” There is a wobble in Isak’s voice and Even feels a shiver run through the boy that holds him close.  
  
\--  


The boys on the other side of the skatepark hadn’t noticed it in the beginning, but when Isak and Even wouldn’t let go of each other for a while they did. Magnus, his hands firmly on Mahdis middle standing behind him, nodding his head to the bench they’re sitting on.  
  
“Look at this. Evak is cuddling it out while I have to hold this clutz and keep him from falling over.” Magnus said, shaking his head with a smile. (He’s just such a sucker for a cute Evak moment).

Mahdi obviously wasn’t capable of lifting his eyes from where they were fixed on a point of graffiti on the wall across from them, to hold his balance.

“Magnus!” The usual chill completely gone from his voice. “ _Do not_ take your focus off of me! I repeat, do not! If i fall i swear to god, man!”  
  
Magnus rolled his eyes and reassured Mahdi, but not before he widely grinned at Jonas. The latter still had his eyes fixed across the skatepark and on his best friend. He was too far away and Isak had his face averted, but the way he was holding himself tells Jonas that this wasn’t them being their usual lovey-dovey I-can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you selves.  


\--  


Now they were laying in bed, both looking at one another. After Isak had thanked Even for telling him they hadn’t really spoken yet. Isak had been so overwhelmed with that confession, coming out of nowhere. He hadn’t been sure what to tell Even or what to do and his mind was reeling. So he went by instinct. Arms wrapped tightly around him he just held Even. Told him he loved him, lips pressed against his temple and voice almost a whisper. Kissing the same spot at Evens temple over and over again.

The boys didn’t come over for a long time and now that Isak thought about it, they probably noticed something was up.

(They really were great friends, he should tell them that some time)

After what Even had told him Isak couldn’t stop himself from touching him on the tram, on their way home. They told the guys they were not coming to grab something to eat with them. Dusk slowly dimming everything around them. Searching contact and needing the connection to ground himself when the worry took over. Even was _here_ , Even was _ok_ , Even was _with him_ and _safe_ and _loved._  
  
So now they laid in bed, their room quiet and getting darker by the minute. They were still in their hoodies and jeans, too exhausted and thoughts too preoccupied to change. Green meeting blue, both lost in their own thoughts. Even had cried a bit when he had his head buried in Isak’s neck in the skate park. Isak thought he might have cried a bit, too.

But now both their eyes were dry. Both had time to process what was revealed.

Reaching out Isak closed his hand around one of Even’s that laid between them. He shuffled closer until his head was laying on the same pillow - the good pillow, the blue pillow - as Even’s and when that still wasn’t close enough, Isak wrapped his leg around Even’s waist.  
  
  
Isak thought about how to start what he wanted to say. Because he _did_ want to say stuff. Tell Even how incredible glad he is, that he finally told him. That he hurts so much and his soul aches with the need to hug the young and confused Even from the past. Who fell for his best friend, just like he had, and who hated himself, _just like he had_ . How could Even still be this bright and radiant and sunny boy. Isak felt ice cold panic when he thought about the dark, _dark_ emptiness in the place where Even should be, had he succeeded with his suicide attempt.    


„You're ok now.“ It wasn't how Isak wanted to start, but somehow this was the first thing he blurted out. It wasn’t a question but Even still nodded.  


„It was“ Even started, voice deep and a bit unsure, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. „It was pretty bad for a while, but I'm ok now.“ Isak nodded and Even squeezed his hand, reassuring them both that this was true.  


And just like that, they talked. They talked about Mikael, they talked about Sonja's role in all of it, they talked about the passages Even used, casting his eyes down in shame when he told Isak about them. With the hand that wasn’t covering Even’s he reached out and lifted Even's chin.  


Waited until those troubled eyes met his.  


„I am so glad you are still here, I am so incredible grateful to have you. You are the kindest, warmest, heart-of-gold person I ever met. I love you.“ At the last three words Isak genlty shook the hand on Even's jaw.  


His sad eyes now filled with relief at Isak’s words and he closed them, remembering himself to breathe. Isak shook his hand again ever so slightly as he added „A lot!“  


Even couldn't help it, a smile spread over his face. „I love you a lot, too.“ he answered, putting his free hand on Isak’s thigh right above his knee, leaning yet closer and bringing their lips together.  


The kiss was gentle and soft and healing. Isak looked down along his nose at Even’s closed eyes, lashes fluttering, as their mouths slid apart slowly.  


After the kiss Even kept his eyes closed, feeling contentment and relief fill his chest. He drew small circles on Isak’s leg with his thumb while Isak nuzzled his nose with his own.  


Even smiled as he took a deep and calm breath. Maybe the _where_ wasn’t important after all. Maybe what counted was the _who_.


End file.
